Marriage What? {1 Corinthians 7:1-9}

This is the sixth lesson in a series on 1 Corinthians. Please read all about it in the Introduction. I’ve broken the post into sections with journal prompts at the end of each part. These would be great stopping points. I’ve also linked the Scripture references to biblegateway.com; click the blue font references. I’d love to hear what you’re learning in the comments!

Marriage What? (1 Corinthians 7)

Now concerning…. 

Read 1 Corinthians 7:1

So, now we are getting into some issues.

These folks have issues.

Don’t we all?

“Paul uses this phrase for the first time here to signal a switch from matters raised in the oral report from Chloe’s people (1:10-11) to issues raise in a letter from Corinthians.” (ESV, 2199)

This is going to be important for us to remember as we travel through this chapter. We need to keep some things in mind as we read Paul’s answers to questions from a letter we can’t read. As we interpret and apply these verses in light of other passages both in 1 Corinthians and in other Scriptures we will understand this entire teaching more fully.

Here are some things to remember:

Paul is striking a balance between extremes in the Corinthian scene. Some are using their newfound freedom from religion as an excuse to live according to any and every desire (Think – I can do what I want, God’s gonna forgive me anyway). Some are swinging to the opposite extreme and saying ALL sexuality is evil (Think – sex is super nasty and gross even if you’re married). Paul is steering us toward a balanced Spirit-led whole and good view of sexuality, singleness, and marriage.

There is not yet a New Testament as we know it. The Bible sitting next to your computer right now doesn’t yet exist when Paul answers these confused believers. They are VERY dependent on the teaching of the leaders who travel through (Remember the issues from Weeks 1-2 about being overly attached to the preacher?) and very vulnerable to the other teachings in their vibrant city.

Something that we will see toward the end of the chapter (in the section on living with the eternal in mind) is that persecution is on the horizon. Paul no doubt is beginning to see little glimpses of what the future holds for believers.

So….keep those things in the background as you study over the next two weeks. We keep cultural context in mind even as God breaks these challenging truths right into the open place of our very today needs.

Journal Prompt: This week is a very short lesson, so let's take some time to remember. Take a few minutes to look back at your past journal entries for 1 Corinthians and rewrite your favorite lesson into prayer. 

Let’s dig into chapter 7.

Oneness in Marriage

Read 1 Corinthians 7:2-6

I usually link the passages in the NIV, but you gotta read this one in The Message! Don’t skip it, here’s the link….twice linked. Read it.

This is called mutuality, and it was strange, superbly scandalous and juicy for the day. As the Corinthian elder read this letter over the gathering of believers I wonder if he fanned himself or if his voice cracked as he basically said sex is for the woman as much as it’s for the man. Were there gasps? Giggles? I am sure there was blushing and shushing and likely a short prayer time at the end so everyone could get home. {See what I just did there?}

It is an obvious instruction against polygamy as well as an echo of what we’ve studied already in chapter 6 about the intimacy and “glued togetherness” of sex. Literally verse 3 says to “render unto the wife due benevolence” and verse 5 “defraud not one another” (Zodhiates, 555). In other words, when you don’t give your body fully to your husband or your wife you are not giving what you owe them, you are cheating them.

I realize this is about to get gross, but it occurs to me that this is almost the opposite of how we define cheating in marriage. {Obviously when you have sex with anyone other than your spouse you are cheating on him or her. Adultery is not funny or inconsequential. It’s devastating. Yes, I agree}. However. {This is a big whopper of a however} - have you ever considered that when you refuse or are unresponsive to your spouse’s sexual needs you are cheating them?

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that there are some very big “Except whens….” here. It’s never my intention to belittle or over generalize and there are addictions and health issues, both physical and mental, that can make this a cloudy issue…

BUT in the context of a healthy God-led marriage, refusal of selfless and thoughtful sexual openness toward your spouse is cheating. This isn’t just a wifey “Sorry hun, I have a headache” issue. We have somehow been led to believe that sex is more of a guy’s thing and so men and women both use it as a bargaining chip to earn, punish, or reward. It ought not be. A Christian husband who seeks only to have his sexual needs met with no consideration of his wife's sexuality is just as wrong as a Christian wife who withholds sex.

Christian wives who struggle with this; can I offer you an encouraging perspective? There are most likely at least dozens if not hundreds of people who demand something from and drain your husband each day. There are few places where he can find Truthful encouragement. If he has a mentor or a friend that does that for him, be thankful! But there is one thing that ONLY YOU can give him. Sexual wholeness and fulfillment is a gift for your Christian husband that comes from God through you and no one else. If you struggle with withholding sex; ask God for this perspective.

The passage is very clear here that the only reason a married couple shouldn’t be having a great sex life is if they agree TOGETHER to abstain for the purpose of prayer….with the express intent of getting right back to it after the agreed upon season. Now honestly, when was the last time you called “headache” so that you could pray about something? When was the last time your husband agreed to that? Sex is for both of us. A woman’s body doesn’t just belong to her husband, but his also belongs to her.

Such beautiful equality, intimacy, spirituality is held up as ideal in these passages. Sex in marriage is built on the foundation of Inside Out Holiness, spiritual wholeness, joyous appreciation and acceptance of our bodies as God’s dwelling place, freedom from past labels, spirits and bodies freshly washed – sanctified – justified…. These foundational Truths from chapters 1-6 are the diving board.

Married folks, believe it and jump in.

Journal Prompt: What was new for you today in the discussion of these verses?

Abide

Read 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

“Marriage is a gift, and singleness is a gift. Both are gifts with purpose, and both should be celebrated with contentment. Mutuality in sexual intimacy and in marriage is clarified. Sex is not the privilege of the husband and the duty of the wife, as popularly portrayed. Rather it is a privilege and duty for both, and first and foremost it should an act of beauty glorifying the unity God designed.” (Patterson, Kelley, 341).

Remember what I said in the introduction about Paul giving balanced teaching between two extremes? He’s still walking that line. When he wishes that everyone were celibate like him, he’s not knocking marriage. That would contradict what he’s already said in 1 Corinthians and what he says in Ephesians 5:22-33 and Colossians 3:18-19. In the phrase “each has his own gift from God” in verse 7; “gift” means the “result of grace” (Zodhiates,967). Marriage and celibacy are BOTH gracious gifts. And it’s clear from the following verses that if celibacy is not a gift you receive from God, then for you it’s “better to marry than to burn with passion” (7:9). I adore that verse. I don’t know why, it just cracks me up. It sounds so over-dramatic, but in reality it’s no joke. It’s a true battle and never more than in our world today.

Can I just say how nice it is that God knows us so well? How good He is to give us these instructions? What freedom there is to know that He loves marriage and sex and wants to see it building us up and not tearing us up.

There is a beautiful lesson in the middle of verse 8. When Paul says that it is good to remain single, we tend to focus on the single part and skip right over the remain part. The word remain means “to remain, dwell, endure, last, persevere, stand firm or steadfast” (Zodhiates, 935). In a favorite passage in John, the same word is sometimes translated “abide.”

Read John 15:4-11 and count the number of “remains.”

How many did you get? I see 11. Read through this passage again inserting the definition from above. Notice the repetition? It’s no accident. How we need the reminder to remain, to abide!

Now back to 1 Corinthians 7; with the establishment of Christianity only a few decades old and persecution on the horizon God wants His people to settle into Him first. Not into their circumstances and not into their relationships, but into HIM.

Are you single? Abide there; remain, dwell, endure, last, persevere, stand firm or steadfast there.

Are you married? Abide there; remain, dwell, endure, last, persevere, stand firm or steadfast there.

When discontentment comes knocking, Abide. Always abide. Always.

Journal Prompt: What does it mean to you that singleness and marriage both are a “result of grace”? How does this change how you can abide in YOUR situation?

I love this picture, while marriage always has difficult spots (as we will tackle next week); there is great joy in a God-led marriage. I wish I had truly learned the "abide" lesson earlier. Please spend some time on this, applying it to your very own situation.

This week was a glimpse of God's ideal for marriage and singleness. Next Monday, I will post the rest of the lesson on chapter 7, especially focusing on how to live out Peace when a marriage falls apart. 

I'd love you read your questions or comments.....