Let Her Sit

I was so encouraged this week.  A friend stopped me and told me she was ready for me to do a new blog post...."I checked and it's still pudding."  Pudding is important, but there is chance there are more important things in life (slight, but still a chance).  Her request made my day.  I told her that there are so many things that bounce around in my head and heart that I would love to write about.....but so few actually make it here.  This last Sunday was one of those sweet personal lessons that I hesitate to even share because I have no confidence that I can articulate it in a way that is meaningful, but still; I'll try.

If any of you follow me on twitter, I tweeted recently complaining about taking my youngest to Big Church.  My Sunday schedule has taken a recent overhaul which has included switching from a traditional service {which I loved} to a contemporary service {also love} and from teaching youth Sunday School {loved it for over 5 years} to college Sunday School {love so very very much}.  You see my problem, lots of love but also lots of change. Good or bad, Transition always has Stress as a sidekick.  Add into this the realization that it's time for my 5 year old to start going to Big Church {don't love} and Sundays got super stressful. 

Here are my tweets about this particular experience:

"Perk of 10 years between oldest and youngest; knowing 5yo big church torture becomes teenage real God worship."

"Week 2 of Anna stays for church...never woulda let the bigs sit in the floor. #choosinmybattles" It included this picture...

What I wanted to tweet on Week 3 and 4 breaks my "no negative venting on social media" rule.  But it woulda had something to do with being spread eagle on the floor and bad sewer breath being blown in my face. It might've included this hashtag; #wannabarf

Here are our Big Church Rules:

• Be quiet.
• Go potty before church because we are NOT leaving during the service.
• Stand up next to Mommy during the music at the beginning.
• When, and only when, Dad starts preaching you can get into your church bag.
• Stay in your seat (this one is open for interpretation, obviously).

Week 4 had gone so badly that I was digging my heels in for a fight.  These are good rules folks, I'm not hearing one single joke about any of my kids being "that preacher's kid" because they are misbehaving. I won't have that. (So you're seeing my starting point here).

I had fought her through every single song the week before because I made her stand up with me and she was doing the "wet noodle my legs don't work" passive aggressive thing; actually it's not very passive at all. 

So Week 5, the lights go down and the people all stand up and I turn to force her up and I hear very clearly, "Let her sit."  I paused and waited. This was the Spirit.  I asked her to stand and she wouldn't and I felt it again, "Let her sit and pray for her." After a short argument with myself involving a brilliant though half-hearted defense of Rule 3 and an equally brilliant "pppphffffftttt" I let it go.  I whispered into her ear instead...."I love being here at church, this is the time when I get to sing to Jesus about how I love Him. I would love for you to sing with me."

And I just began to sing and worship without her even while I was praying for her.  She sat next to me quietly and before the first song was over I felt her hand in mine.  She let me hold her and she started singing with me. Beautiful. My beautiful parenting stories are so few, that I wanted to point and shout and tweet but instead I marveled.  I let her sit, I prayed, and she joined me on her own.  Now...just keeping it real, she was also pulling my earrings and since she doesn't know the songs yet she sang this ugly monotone version of word endings as she tried to mimic what she heard. 

But she was singing.  

Because she chose to sing, not because I forced her.

I thought of how God handles me.  He invites me and does His thing and never forces me.  But the more I get to know Him the more irresistible He is.  I grow frustrated and independent and pull away and He whispers "Let her sit".  But as I watch Him and His people, I find my hand in His because I belong there.  He is home. My contribution may be an ugly monotone version as I just try to keep up, but that's OK.  His kindness leads me there (Romans 2:4).  He miraculously changes my hard heart into a soft responsive one as He encourages me.

There are so many parenting lessons in this experience.  How often I force my children into a behavior expecting it to motivate their hearts with only disappointing results.  God is after their hearts just as He has pursued mine, so I think I'll spend a little bit more time cooperating with Him there....praying while I let her sit.

"Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], 

lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. 

[Do not break their spirit.]" 

Colossians 3:21 Amplified Version

"And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh..." Ezekiel 11:19

Homemade Chocolate Pudding

I know the title says Homemade CHOCOLATE Pudding, and you may be realizing just now that the picture below is missing something.....here is the story:

• Although this recipe is best Chocolate;
• My daughter really wanted to make this with me, and she likes it best vanilla.

So this batch is vanilla, BUUUUT to make it chocolate you only need to add 1 ingredient (cocoa powder) and everything else is exactly the same, so stick with me. 

This is a unique (think pudding in the microwave), EASY, great to make with and for kids, from scratch recipe.  I got this from my very dear friend Marisa.  In the original recipe she gave me she has written the idea of making this vanilla-flavored and calling it "Tubby Pudding" (You will only get the humor in that name if you have kids nearing driving age who watched the Teletubbies years ago - somehow we all survived). 

It was a good idea that still makes me grin.

This makes a smooth delicious chocolate pudding, and a pretty wonderful vanilla one too. I love this because it's plain but tasty so I almost always have all the ingredients and it's worth getting them out.  The whole process takes about 10 minutes and I get to separate eggs (I think that's fun).

To start out you will measure the flour and sugar and COCOA POWDER for chocolate pudding into a microwaveable bowl.  I use an 8-cup Pyrex type; you wouldn't want to go smaller than 6-cup.  Look at this cutie leveling flour.....

Imagine a big spoonful of cocoa powder next to the sugar and flour here. It would be gorgeous.

Then we add the milk, just pour it in slowly and whisk it well until the lumps are all out.

Now comes the cooking part and it can be a little bit tricky. You will cook the milk, flour, sugar mixture for 6 minutes total stirring after each minute.  

After messing this up a few times I came up with this little helper.  I set out 6 Splenda packets (you could use paper clips, M&Ms, candy corn, refrigerator magnets, you get the idea).  Each time I pull the mixture out of the microwave to stir, I move one of the packets over so I can remember how long I've been cooking.....it's ok to be a little forgetful though; you won't ruin this stuff.  You just need to give it a quick stir and make sure that the thickening flour doesn't all stay on the bottom of the bowl.

In between minute cooking you will need to separate three eggs.  Just let the ooey whites go between your fingers right down the drain and keep those beautiful yolks in a little bowl.  I separate eggs using my fingers, but you can use the shells if you want.  See those cute little hands?  She was letting the whites go through her fingers, but squealing just a tad the whole time.

After the 6 minutes are up you will lightly beat your yolks and pour just a little bit of the hot pudding mixture into the little egg bowl and stir them up really good.  This gets the eggs used to the hot pudding before you just dump them in.  This will really help the pudding to thicken smoothly and not lumpily.

Once you have lukewarm yolks you pour the whole bunch of them back into the hot pudding mixture and stir VERY well.  Imagine that this is a beautiful dark brown hot chocolate mess of yum.  I shoulda made two batches. 

OK, so now you will cook for 2 more minutes stirring every 30 seconds, soooo you will need 4 Splenda packs....or whatever.  It will really start to thicken up, if it gets lumpy just break out the whisk.  You know how I feel about a whisk.

Somewhere in the middle of this you realize that your preteen is doing this (see below) much less because she is cooking with you and talking and smiling and telling stories.  

Yes, this is why we make pudding from scratch.

Once your 4x 30 seconds are over you will stir in some butter and some vanilla.

And now you can eat this yummy stuff HOT, have you ever had hot pudding?  It's so good.  You can add any toppings that you can imagine......

So good....it is thicker after you chill it, warm it is kinda like the consistency of chocolate gravy (or in this case delicious vanilla gravy....I tend to complicate everything).

If you would like to have it cold, just cover with plastic wrap....if you put the wrap directly on the surface of the pudding it will keep it from getting that yucky milk skin grossness.  Chill, top, serve.....you can even fill a piecrust here and be a hero.

These are precious days, really wonderful sweet almost perfect ones.

Enjoy......and I'm not only talking about the pudding.

Homemade Chocolate Pudding
1/3 cup flour
1 cup sugar
3 Tablespoons cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk
3 slightly beaten egg yolks
2 Tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon vanilla (I use 1 teaspoon for vanilla without cocoa powder)

In a 1-1/2 quart glass bowl mix flour, sugar, cocoa, and salt.  Slowly add milk and mix well.  Cook in microwave 5-6 minutes (until thick) stirring at the end of each minute.  Add a little bit of hot mixture to egg yolks, stir and then pour back into hot mixture.  Stir well. Cook in microwave 2 minutes longer, stirring after every 30 seconds.  Add butter and vanilla. Stir well until butter is melted.  This is great hot, also a great filling for chocolate cream pie.  Leave out the cocoa and this is a great vanilla cream pudding; add 1 cup moist shredded coconut or 2-3 sliced bananas for Coconut Cream or Banana Pie.

Choose Joy

“Thank you for bringing my family to me.

Thank you for joy.

And I love my dog Izzie.”

This was part of my youngest daughter’s prayer one night last week.  It had been a joyless few days and hearing it was a bit like having the air knocked out of me.  It hurt like the dickens for a second and then I could take a prayerful breath, deeper than I had in a while.

My Baby Girl finding joy in the rain today.

This is always a tricky time of year for me and I hadn’t been taking very good care of myself (in a bunch of ways, as indicated by the use of the word “dickens”).  The effects of my dry spirit and tired body were wreaking havoc on my frayed emotions.

(For example I went running that morning and as I opened up my running app it said something along the lines of “welcome – your last run was 26 days ago”.  When I launched into defense mode including a lecture TO MY IPHONE about how hot it’s been and an (exaggerated) list of the number of times I ran on the treadmill that she knows nothing about….I realized I just needed to get moving before my emotions got the best of me and I ended up finishing off the box of Reese’s pieces I had started the night before.)

I digress….badly.

As I ran my daughter’s prayer encouraged me.  And when I say it encouraged me what I mean is that it gave me courage, inspired courage in me.  For a lot of reasons that are mostly selfish I had forgotten that joy is a gift to be thankful for, but it is also a choice. 

And sometimes a choice that takes a lot of courage. 

“…we who have fled [to Him] for refuge....have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before [us].”  Hebrews 6:18 AMP

So be encouraged, encourage another. 

Choose Joy.