Peanut Butter Birdfeeders at 39

I try to only put positive comments in the status update bubble on my facebook page.  But I still think about a whole bunch of other things I would like to say.  The other day I very nearly wrote, “Very aware that I am the 39 year old mother of a 3 year old”.  It was just one of those days.  In our family everyone is in a different stage of growing up and it makes me feel old.  I talk about our family as the Big Kids (now 13, 10) and the Baby (3).  Our big kids were 10 and 7 when our youngest was born.  And when I say we are all in a different stage of growing up I’m including myself.  I am a different mother to the baby than I was to my big kids when they were preschoolers.  There are good and bad things about this observation; but last week I was wonderfully reminded of the good. 

Our Baby came home from her Mother’s Day Out class with a peanut butter pine cone birdfeeder.  We made a fun afternoon of putting it up and then watching for the birds to come.  She’s in a “dresses only” stage and was wearing a hand-me-down that her sister wore 8 years ago for her 2^nd birthday party. [Insert sentimental sigh] Taking pictures of her this particular day reminded me of how much my family has changed and how quickly my kids are growing up.  There are a few turns we wouldn’t have taken given a choice, but it makes my heart lurch into my throat to imagine what we would’ve missed. 

So I spent a few sappy momma moments considering what I've learned over the last years, here are few :

As a young mom I made the peanut bird feeders with them myself, but I can’t really remember hanging them up.

As a 39 year old mom I felt no mom guilt when she came home from school with one already-made.  I just enjoyed the hanging up part.

As a young mom I took a lot of pictures of events.

As a 39 year old mom I take a lot of pictures of everyday.

As a young mom I worked very hard to control my life.

As a 39 year old mom I work harder on controlling myself.

As a young mom my house stayed picked up and I made the kids help.

As a 39 year old mom my living room looks like this and worse almost all the time.

As a young mom no child in our house knew the name of any current pop stars and neither did I, except to use as an example of poor role models in youth Sunday School lessons.

As a 39 year old mom our Baby recently told her dad she wants to marry Justin Bieber.

As a young mom I would've gone to extensive lengths to explain the Justin Bieber comment.

As a 39 year old mom, I'm just.......not.

As a young mom I made a big huge deal of birthdays.

Yep, that one is still the same.

As a young mom a disrespectful tone coming out of my children’s mouths would often launch me into a guilt-inducing lecture.

Yep, that one is still the same too.

As a young mom the skin on my hands was smooth.

As a 39 year old mom there are more wrinkles but still a great preschool manicure.

As a young mom I thought I should strive to make my children independent.

As a 39 year old mom I’ve learned that their independence is inevitable, and I strive harder to convince them I’m always on their side.

As a young mom my expectations of my kids were high.

As a 39 year old mom my expectations still are.  I make sure they know that it’s only because their potential is higher still--a lesson learned from their Grandmother.

As a young mom I organized and meticulously planned for child-sized devotions.

As a 39 year old mom I try harder to make the most of every teachable moment.

As a young mom I would never have allowed a picture with a purple dress and a red barrette.

As a 39 year old mom…..well, please.

As a young mom I worried some that my kids would make big mistakes.

As a 39 year old mom I know they will and that it’s OK, in fact the lesson after is uniquely good.

As a young mom I felt inadequate almost all the time and worked harder.

As a 39 year old mom I still struggle with inadequacy and still work hard, but I have way more fun on purpose.

As a young mom I would scold and hassle when I had to take a toddler to a restaurant bathroom right as my food came. 

As a 39 year old mom, I just roll my eyes, grin, and go – chances are the trip is mutual.

So as I look out the window right now I am watching the peanut butter birdfeeder sway.  I remember the innocent delight on Baby Girl’s face when she caught a sparrow eating from it a few days ago.  My ugly wannabe status update comes to mind along with this thought:  39 and hanging a peanut butter bird feeder, and I am so very thankful.