Kindness

What ever happened to my dream of a calm “Walton-esque” family bedtime routine?! The things that are hollered from one end of my house to the other after bedtime are decidedly not “G’Night John Boy!” (for my younger readers, you might need to go find an episode of The Waltons on Netflix to understand that reference.) Since I have two big kids who I can no longer bribe or bargain into bed by 8:00 and a preschooler who really needs to be in bed by then…..we have a problem – with regularity.  Honestly, many nights I’m just wiped out by the mental game before this chore even starts! 

All that to say a we’d had a couple of nights that resulted in me marching to bed while dropping a wooden spanking spoon back into a kitchen drawer after everyone was in their beds. ANGRY.

I’ve been learning about anger.  Since we know that everyone gets angry, even Jesus, and that there are times when it’s an appropriate emotion we sometimes let ourselves off the hook when our anger is sinfully self-serving and damaging.  I’d been doing this and recognized it when I read this blog post about masking anger as justice.  This post did a lot to remind me that I must always be very quick to rein in my anger, but it also did a lot to make me feel guilty (which I can do all on my own, thank you very much).  As I was stewing in the in between of conviction and guilt I remembered these words from Romans 2:4, given first in the Amplified Version, then The Message…..

Or are you [so blind as to] trifle with and presume upon and despise and underestimate the wealth of His kindness and forbearance and long-suffering patience? Are you unmindful or actually ignorant [of the fact] that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repent (to change your mind and inner man to accept God's will)?

Or did you think that because he's such a nice God, he'd let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.

The author of the blog I read makes such a valid and convicting point that is echoed in the beginning of Romans 2:4.  When we allow anger to camp out and make a home in our hearts, it doesn’t accomplish what we most want to see in our homes and in the hearts of our little ones.  In fact, we are just wasting His goodness and patience, acting as if it were worthless.  Wrath does not produce righteousness.  But this is the part where God swooped right in and encouraged me.  I can get really hung up on the “not supposed tos."

• I’m not supposed to discipline in anger.
• I’m not supposed to be impatient at bedtime (even though I’m worn slick out). 
• I’m not supposed to feel drained or irrational.  
• I’m not supposed to eat a whole package of Turtle candy (even if it was leftover from a “great mom” project and I’ve ignored it in the cabinet for 6 months)…..just a random one there, popped into my head for  no reason. 

You get the idea?

But my God isn’t really about the list of supposed tos, He’s about a whole new identity. One where the things that make Him mad make me mad too, where the things that make Him incredulous get a big eye roll from me, and the things that make Him dance with joy fill my heart with hallelujahs that are not of this world.  So He doesn’t leave me marinating in my anger broken parenting, He takes me to kindness and the purpose of it…..

Kindness leads to Repentance.

It’s God’s way.  My wrath will not make my kids obey from true hearts of repentance.  I can force their behavior, but that’s not what I want for them.  I want them to know God well and truly and follow after Him no matter who, what, where, or how. That can only come from inside out, heart first, life second transformation.  If I want a “supposed to”, then this is one I should cling to. Kindness.  Not a “push me over fill you with flattery” empty kindness, but a particular patience that comes with knowing that kindness can sneak right in and change a rebellious heart supernaturally. At my house, we just totally are not there yet.  But that's OK.  I like how it is stated in the Message, God’s kindness “takes us firmly by the hand and leads us…..” That’s how I want to parent, that’s how I want to live.

So let yourself off the hook, eat a couple of Turtles and settle into God’s kindness.  

Besides, a later than usual bedtime might lead to an unexpected nap the next afternoon....

Which might give a few unexpected moments for this......