Let Her Sit

I was so encouraged this week.  A friend stopped me and told me she was ready for me to do a new blog post...."I checked and it's still pudding."  Pudding is important, but there is chance there are more important things in life (slight, but still a chance).  Her request made my day.  I told her that there are so many things that bounce around in my head and heart that I would love to write about.....but so few actually make it here.  This last Sunday was one of those sweet personal lessons that I hesitate to even share because I have no confidence that I can articulate it in a way that is meaningful, but still; I'll try.

If any of you follow me on twitter, I tweeted recently complaining about taking my youngest to Big Church.  My Sunday schedule has taken a recent overhaul which has included switching from a traditional service {which I loved} to a contemporary service {also love} and from teaching youth Sunday School {loved it for over 5 years} to college Sunday School {love so very very much}.  You see my problem, lots of love but also lots of change. Good or bad, Transition always has Stress as a sidekick.  Add into this the realization that it's time for my 5 year old to start going to Big Church {don't love} and Sundays got super stressful. 

Here are my tweets about this particular experience:

"Perk of 10 years between oldest and youngest; knowing 5yo big church torture becomes teenage real God worship."

"Week 2 of Anna stays for church...never woulda let the bigs sit in the floor. #choosinmybattles" It included this picture...

What I wanted to tweet on Week 3 and 4 breaks my "no negative venting on social media" rule.  But it woulda had something to do with being spread eagle on the floor and bad sewer breath being blown in my face. It might've included this hashtag; #wannabarf

Here are our Big Church Rules:

• Be quiet.
• Go potty before church because we are NOT leaving during the service.
• Stand up next to Mommy during the music at the beginning.
• When, and only when, Dad starts preaching you can get into your church bag.
• Stay in your seat (this one is open for interpretation, obviously).

Week 4 had gone so badly that I was digging my heels in for a fight.  These are good rules folks, I'm not hearing one single joke about any of my kids being "that preacher's kid" because they are misbehaving. I won't have that. (So you're seeing my starting point here).

I had fought her through every single song the week before because I made her stand up with me and she was doing the "wet noodle my legs don't work" passive aggressive thing; actually it's not very passive at all. 

So Week 5, the lights go down and the people all stand up and I turn to force her up and I hear very clearly, "Let her sit."  I paused and waited. This was the Spirit.  I asked her to stand and she wouldn't and I felt it again, "Let her sit and pray for her." After a short argument with myself involving a brilliant though half-hearted defense of Rule 3 and an equally brilliant "pppphffffftttt" I let it go.  I whispered into her ear instead...."I love being here at church, this is the time when I get to sing to Jesus about how I love Him. I would love for you to sing with me."

And I just began to sing and worship without her even while I was praying for her.  She sat next to me quietly and before the first song was over I felt her hand in mine.  She let me hold her and she started singing with me. Beautiful. My beautiful parenting stories are so few, that I wanted to point and shout and tweet but instead I marveled.  I let her sit, I prayed, and she joined me on her own.  Now...just keeping it real, she was also pulling my earrings and since she doesn't know the songs yet she sang this ugly monotone version of word endings as she tried to mimic what she heard. 

But she was singing.  

Because she chose to sing, not because I forced her.

I thought of how God handles me.  He invites me and does His thing and never forces me.  But the more I get to know Him the more irresistible He is.  I grow frustrated and independent and pull away and He whispers "Let her sit".  But as I watch Him and His people, I find my hand in His because I belong there.  He is home. My contribution may be an ugly monotone version as I just try to keep up, but that's OK.  His kindness leads me there (Romans 2:4).  He miraculously changes my hard heart into a soft responsive one as He encourages me.

There are so many parenting lessons in this experience.  How often I force my children into a behavior expecting it to motivate their hearts with only disappointing results.  God is after their hearts just as He has pursued mine, so I think I'll spend a little bit more time cooperating with Him there....praying while I let her sit.

"Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], 

lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. 

[Do not break their spirit.]" 

Colossians 3:21 Amplified Version

"And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh..." Ezekiel 11:19