How to Raise an Insecure Daughter

This weekend our church hosted our first ever Mother Daughter Retreat.  My friends Shannon and Tina planned a wonderful time for us.  They asked me to teach a lesson for Moms only right at the beginning of the night.  I started this little talk with the huge disclaimer of "I don't know what I'm talking about."  Don't you love it when you invest your time to come and learn something only to have the teacher say she doesn't know what she's doing?  The truth is that God is constantly teaching me things about life and parenting through the miracle of His Words; but I'm insecure about parenting!  As I told the ladies Friday night; it matters too much. I can't bear the thought of messing up because the cost is so high; I adore these ones trusted to my care.  Let me just end this wordy disclaimer by saying that I listened to Him and reflected and came up with this list.  It's one of those opposite lists; see if you can follow. Here's what those dear mommas and I talked about over the weekend while Shannon taught our girlies.....

If you Want to Raise an Insecure Daughter.....
1.  Be afraid of everything.  

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You."  Psalm 56:3

As I work with teenagers and women, I see the danger of fear living.  We all get afraid, and there's no shame in that.  The danger comes when we let fear take root and become the center of our lives.  It might look like other things because women tend to put a very brave mask over fear.  We are great at teaching our girls to rationalize fear.  Our daughters will not learn to trust God if their Mommas are always afraid and worried.  Don't miss the reason we don't need to be afraid - we belong to a gracious and loving God.

2.  Be their Daddy

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Ephesians 5:33 instructs husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. When we are disappointed by men many of us tend to rise up to the occasion and take over, and usually we can manage it.  There may be seasons when that is simply what must be done; so hang in there alone momma.  However, here comes the warning for all of us....when I am disappointed in a man, I can begin to disrespect masculinity.  Teach your daughters that men and women were created to work together and to complement one another. Teach them that the whole of both of them should be stronger and more effective for God's Kingdom than either alone.  Our girls will recognize the reality that sometimes life stinks and relationships are fractured beyond repair.  We can stay nearby to walk with them through those days if that is where their journey takes them.  But how tragic for them to miss the beauty of God's plan; a partnership that defies expectation and soars above imagination - simply because their mommas were too proud to respect men.  So, receive the love of your husband, sons, and father and give them respect....and be sure your daughter sees it.

3.  Be critical of YOURself.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  Psalm 139:14

Most of us  know the danger of being overly critical of our girls.  I believe that being overly critical of yourself in front of your girls is something girls take very personally.  It's likely that people seek out ways that you and your daughter are alike and have told her.   When you say you are bad, she fears that she is bad too.  You are as much a treasure to God as she is to you, so don't talk ugly about God's treasure in front of her.  I taught this lesson on Friday night and then.....not an hour later.....criticized myself.....in front of my daughter.  One of the wise mommas there called me on it.  This is something we do without even thinking, and we really need to cut it out.

4.  Be too busy

"And there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD

or the work that he had done for Israel."  Judges 2:10

"We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD,
and his might,

and the wonders that he has done."  Psalm 78:4

I'm not especially talking about being too busy to hear and relate to your girl, of course that's a definite recipe for regret.  I'm talking about being too busy to teach her about the wonders God has done for you.....and for her.  Both of my girls' stories have many, MANY marvelous wonders for me to share with them just in the days from their conceptions to their births, and many more since then.  This is true for each of our families, don't miss the chance to tell them.  By the way, an assumption here is that you are taking the time to know God's Word and recognize His wonders.  No way we can teach our girls God's wonders if we aren't allowing God to show them to us.

As a good friend of ours reminds us, and I often hear the reminder from our youth minister; We aren't raising girls, we are raising WOMEN.  What a privilege to relate to them as Warrior Women of God in training who will soon be standing and serving on the front lines in these few days we have on this earth to build God's Kingdom. 

 Thanks to Rachel Schooler for the great pics!

"And He will be the stability of your times,
   abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;
   the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure." 

Isaiah 33:6